msjorje: (red03b)
I had Daddy wake me at 7 this morning (I usually sleep a bit later than that!) so we could get an early start. We got ready, including dragging Sasha out of bed, and headed over the the new Denny's at the Flying J. We were generally unimpressed. The service was alright, but the entire place just didn't have that slightly rushed feeling we sense at the other Denny's. They messed up my order at first so it took them forever to get our food to us. Sasha did great, as usual, and shared our food.

Then we headed out to Target for diapers, puffs, and yogurt. From there, we headed to Walmart for groceries (plus socks and headbands for Sasha). We managed to make it home shortly after 10!

Sasha & I headed to Gran's place by 11. We immediately followed Gran to the Goodwill store on the West side. It has so much more than the other store in town. Sasha finally napped on the way there. I also remembered to take a garbage bag full of plastic bowl/lid sets, jeans & pants, and a few shirts to donate. The woman was slightly annoyed at me for bringing them into the store, but thanked me for the donation. Wouldn't it be great if they accepted trade-ins?! Doesn't Plato's Closet do that?

Serena and I found plenty of stuff to try and she even loaned me her socks to try on some shoes. Mom had offered to take me shopping for some jeans now that I can wear them to work. I went through every pair of pants in my closet yesterday and while more of them fit than I expected, I still only had 3 pairs of jeans. In fact, I bit the bullet and gave up both pairs of my really good butt jeans... considering that 1 pair wouldn't even make to to my butt! Mom helped me with this by mentioning that it will be even harder to get smaller after 1 more baby. I had worried about getting rid of clothes and then wanting them again. I still have a lot more clothes to go through, but I feel good about the pants and handful of shirts I let go.

Anyway, I found 4 pairs of jeans and 1 pair of pants. I also got 4 awesome pairs of shoes! Plus a shirt that I love - it has thumb holes, I've never had one of those. Here is one of the pairs of shoes I got:


They're Lower East Side Annie Rugged Oxfords. They are 8½s, but fit me just fine! They have hardly been worn at all and a total steal at $3.99!

Gran also found a little toy for Sasha from Scotland. It's a loch ness monster and says "Cheeky Ness" on the belly. It is colorful and she likes it a lot. We also found 4 shirts for Sasha and two awesome pairs of shoes! She got 1 pair of snow boots that she'll likely be able to step into herself. The other pair are shiny pink combat-style boots that lace up and have a zipper on the inside - originally from Baby Gap! Being toddler boots, of course they're hardly worn. Pink boots - $1.99! She got 1 white shirt with red neck and sleeve rings and little red teddy bears embroidered around the bottom. She got a long-sleeved pink shirt with Elmo on it that says "Love" and a shirt from Wall•E. And finally, a lavender Batman shirt.

Once we'd made our selections, we headed back across town to have Chinese Buffet lunch. Sasha napped on the way, then gnawed on broccoli (among other foods) and generally had fun. Sasha and I left in time to pick Tyler up from school. I took her to pick up her glasses, pick up a pizza (for her & Elmo), then headed home.

Tyler ate and did homework. Then chilled for a while. I put on some new jeans and my brown shoes before I took the girls to visit Grandma & Grandpa for a little bit (around 6). I changed Sasha out of her new long-sleeved shirt (since it got warmer) and into her new Wall•E shirt. While there, Grandpa gave Sasha a nice small square of chocolate in his lap. She loved it! I had Tyler home by shortly after 7, where I discussed Tyler's schoolwork and honesty issues with Jenny. I finally came home and I think Sasha may be down for the night. She fell asleep on the way home. My new jeans and shoes are comfy and feel great! It was such a nice boost to wear something new, especially a new style of shoe. Sometimes I feel like my closet is full of my past life. Thank you Mom!!
msjorje: (sasha)
Once Sasha got up this morning, she got to help Mommy a little in the kitchen. I made French Toast and Scrambled Eggs. Daddy made Sausage. Sasha started with an appetizer of cantaloupe, which she also rubbed on her toes! lol She actually got a glass plate for her own breakfast! She did pretty well with the plate until she was done eating. Daddy gave Sasha her Elmo toy gift from him. She liked it very much and carried it around for a while and several times later in the day as well.

I thought Sasha was ready for a nap after that, but she didn't take her "morning nap" until 1 o'clock. I was making her cupcakes when she went down. I also gave her the Baby Doll gift from me. We wound up with 30 cupcakes! I iced most of them while she was sleeping, but left a couple plain. I also got a shower while she slept. Then she woke up and I took her in for a shower. We had fun playing with the water. Then I let her eat part of a plain cupcake in my lap before getting ready to leave.

Trimmed to an LJ Cut for length, you know how I ramble! )

Overall, a good low-key birthday.
msjorje: (sasha)
Sasha turns one tomorrow. At this time exactly 1 year ago, I was timing contractions, trying to decide if I was really, really in labor.

Anyway, tomorrow my father will give Sasha chocolate for the first time. I'm hoping it isn't a fight. He gave my other girls regular sized Hershey bars and they turned a bit green. I've bought mini candy bars, but he was saying the other night that he got one of those monster size ones. Forget it! I know I already went off on this tangent, though...

Sasha likes to drink what we're drinking. She doesn't share Daddy's Koolaid because it's sugar water. She shares Mommy's water. Tonight she has been very interested in my glass of milk (from a cow). I know the reason we wait until 1 year for chocolate is so that baby's digestive system can develop enough to handle the proteins in dairy products. She has had the tiniest amounts of cheese cooked into some things, but not much at all. I had researched even that. Suffice to say, I let her try my cow milk tonight. She took several sips and I suspect she would have had more but I finished it so I wouldn't have to fight with her about it. She recently tried goat's milk but didn't seem to like it. I should have tried it in a glass. I think she liked the cow milk. I'm sure she'll like chocolate. I just hope the milk I gave her goes through her well.

I have a loose plan for tomorrow and, most importantly, took the day off. I want to focus on her through most of the day. I need to bake her cupcakes, so that will actually be time away from her. I have to keep her out of the kitchen because the oven door gets too hot. She'll get to have a cupcake! In the afternoon, I'll take her to see Gran, Serena, and Keith. Then a little later we'll go see Grandpa and Grandma. Next weekend we'll have Tyler here and go see Aunt Tricia and her girls.

It has been strange to plan a low-key birthday after the huge ta-doo that was Tyler's first birthday. However, it makes sense because her family is much smaller than Tyler's family. I plan to bake, shower or bathe with her (she loves the water), play lots!... maybe take a walk. She loves to go outside. We'll probably watch Little Shop of Horrors because it is her favorite! Next week we'll get one-year portraits and have her one-year well-baby visit. I think I may have mentioned all that already, though. :-P

I keep thinking of more things I want Sasha to have, but then we do live in a small space. She loves to sit on our Boppy Cushion, but I'd like her to have a little cushy chair of her own. I've been looking at bean bag chairs as an inexpensive option. I hope the *entire* day is low key and stress-free. For all of us!
msjorje: (blank dark)
Friday or Saturday of last week, Elmo started having spasms in his back. He keeps me updated on anything weird going on with his health / body. I keep mental note and decide when it is time to seek medical help. By Tuesday it had gotten bad enough that he couldn't go to work or to his visit with Samantha. I called my insurance nurse help line that night. They asked a LOT of questions (no, it is not meningitis) and said treat with cold packs and see a doctor on Wednesday.

Wednesday morning I called our primary care physician's office and made arrangements to see one of the PAs there right away. More questions and poking and prodding. He was given a shot of Torodol (anti-inflamatory, he has gotten it via IV for kidney stones before) in the hip. We were sent home with some topical Torodol and some scrips for a muscle relaxer and pain reliever. PA said to rest, stay home from work, and sent us for X-Rays. X-rays came back normal. She had said that if he wasn't better by Monday, we'd do MRI to check for any soft tissue damage.

this is going to be long )

Sigh. It is just really hard right now. I have an appointment for a tattoo this afternoon and I have NO idea how we'll handle child care then, either. My tattoo guy's wife would love to see Sasha again, but she won't really be available to keep her the entire time. She works the counter. Veronica is not quite ready for baby sitting either, or I could have left Sasha home today.
msjorje: (Jorjelf)
I've been wanting to try Nutella, but was hesitant to purchase a tub of it for myself in case I didn't like it. Well last weekend Serena & I had lunch with my brother, Keith. He served Nutella with these very light Italian cookies for dessert. It was yummy! So, I bought some Nutella for home and found some cookies that looked like they would go with it.

Also, we're working on a cooking (or non-cooking) badge at Girl Scouts. This week, the girls made a healthy no-cook snack. They mixed equal parts flavored yogurt (strawberry) and light cool whip. Then we put it into mini graham cracker pie crusts and topped it with fresh / packaged strawberries and/or blueberries. I got to bring the leftover blueberries, yogurt mix, and a couple of pie crusts home. I made two pies for Mom & Serena and they enjoyed them. Veronica and I picked up several single serving containers of flavored yogurt and I already have actual whipped cream. I also got pie crusts. I dumped 1 container of blueberry yogurt into a bowl, then used the yogurt cup to measure out an equal amount of whipped cream. Then I added a little extra whipped cream! lol I had to stir it a bit to get it mixed well. That makes 3 mini pies. I topped them all with blueberries and they are chilling now. Veronica and I will likely eat them tomorrow. I think this will be a great snack to keep on hand! I don't much like yogurt, but the whipped cream helps immensely!

Yay for discovering TWO healthy snacks that are easy to throw together and yummy, too!

Helpers

Nov. 22nd, 2009 12:24 am
msjorje: (sasha)
I have been so lucky to have my helpers! Last week, Serena went shopping with me. I got to try out my new sling (I posted a pic from the store) and Serena was my extra set of hands. She pushed for me and fetched products when I needed help. Then tonight I took Veronica grocery shopping with me. Again, the help was SO appreciated! I wore Sasha in my sling again. She fell asleep right away and slept through almost the entire trip. She opened her eyes a few times, but drifted right back off to sleep.

The cashier in the next line asked me if Sasha was breastfed because she looks so healthy. I took it as a compliment. It is a question I've gotten before and I just love it.

Veronica and I had fun and she figured out that she doesn't get so tired from shopping when she gets to be more involved. We even talked about how to pick out eggs because she wants me to teach her how to shop before she is out on her own. (The girl is only 11!) lol

When we got home from the store, Veronica played with Sasha and kept her entertained while I put groceries away and fixed our snack. We had some Nutella on thin butter cookies.

Now I'm exhausted and I *think* Sasha might be winding back down. She slept all day yesterday, all night, and all day today. She has had short windows of wake time. Heck, I had to wake her up for her bath!

Anyway, I am thankful for helpers!

Diary Year

Nov. 20th, 2009 10:38 pm
msjorje: (eyes)
I finished entering diary pages from 1989. I had already finished 1988, but never posted to say so.

The most noteworthy thing of 1989 was Serena's conception. The post is pretty explicit, though, so I wouldn't suggest you read it, Serena. (You, either, Mom! I don't think you should read any of that old stuff.) I don't know if you've read any of that old stuff, but I was not a very nice kid.

Serena

Nov. 20th, 2009 01:36 pm
msjorje: (photography)
What a complex relationship! As any avid readers know, Serena is my biological daughter. Legally, though, she is my sister. I've always said that she can call me whatever she chose (Becca). She has always known (since she was about 5?) that I was her mother. We haven't always been close. That has just happened since my divorce.

I would say that our relationship most conveniently fits into the sister description. We are very comfortable discussing things that I think most wouldn't discuss with their mother / daughter.

So the thing that I find so amusing about our relationship is that she does refer to me (mostly) as her sister... and she refers to Veronica and Sasha as her sisters, too! Whatever works, ya know? I just know how confusing that would be to someone overhearing it. Kind of an "I am my own grandpa" sort of thing. heh
msjorje: (down)
We make sacrifices for our children, selflessly. We're glad to do them. But they still take their toll.

I have felt like I am neglecting Elmo. We are still sleeping on separate floors to make sure that we both get the best sleep we can. I don't so much mind that, really (though I know I have said otherwise). I am having a harder time with the "two ships passing in the night" issue. I think I made matters worse by being so productive last weekend. I didn't get to spend as much time with him then.

So last night when I got home a tiny bit early and Sasha was asleep AND Daddy wasn't falling asleep, I jumped at the opportunity to shower! While in the shower, I was SO looking forward to climbing into his lap after I was all clean. Only Sasha woke before I got out of the shower. So... I took the baby and Daddy went to bed.

I hoped to get to bed early enough that we could spend some time together this morning. Early means... sometime before midnight, I guess. Or even BY midnight. Sasha was asleep in her bassinett shortly after I ate my dinner. I had dishes done (I wash my pump accessories every night). So I rolled her into the living room at about 11:40 and got situated to sleep. She woke up within ten minutes.

She would not sleep for more than 5-10 minutes the rest of the night. As it neared 3am (the time Daddy's alarm goes off), my face was leaking. It wasn't even that I was overly tired by then... I just had such high hopes for time with Daddy and knew by then that it was gone. I didn't even TRY to get her down before he left at 4, I just used the time to visit with him. and dry my face. He felt like crap that he couldn't fix what was wrong with me and worried about me from work.

He came home and of course, I was SLEEPING. I didn't get up until after 10 when I have to be at work at noon. Ugh.

I have tomorrow off work for my IUD appointment in the morning (I have intended to write a post about that, too!). Mom is taking me while Daddy stays home with Sasha. Surely she'll sleep some tomorrow, but if not... I'm thinking of asking Mom & Serena to take her for a little while so we can reconnect. I have really been missing him - in the larger than "while I'm at work" sense. Sigh.
msjorje: (sasha)
Daddy has fed Sasha with a bottle (of breast milk) a few times now. I haven't felt ready to have Mom and/or Serena feed her yet. Today I suddenly felt ready. I took a bottle over there. I was concerned about Mom feeding her on her own because Sasha chokes often and needs to be sat up and/or her hands raised over her head (this will help you stop choking). My mom can't do all that. So I told them about this concern and Mom thought Serena should go ahead and feed her. Only Serena has NO experience with babies (human ones anyway), at all. She was understandably nervous. I'm sure she hadn't really ever even watched anyone feed a baby - she just had no interest. So we got Mom to feed her first and I just stayed nearby, ready to help if Sasha choked. She didn't choke at all. She only fed her a little. Then we got Serena into a comfy chair and she was off and running. She did great! I showed her the tricks to getting a baby to take the bottle. Sasha won't always respond to strokes on her cheeks, but if you bounce the bottle back and forth just inside her mouth, she'll latch onto it.

I was getting really hungry, but didn't want to stop them in the middle of a meal. I finally decided to just leave Sasha there. I came home to start dinner. Elmo asked, "aren't you missing someone?" We actually ate a very small dinner and I even managed to pump before they called.

I hadn't felt ready before today. It just hit me today. I think part of my delay had to do with Mom asking me so often if I wanted to leave her there. I felt pressured. You start to feel like people only want you around for the baby, though Mom has said numerous times that I was welcome with or without the baby.
msjorje: (Default)
I lounged this morning... didn't need to make my lunch because I still had my sandwich I didn't eat yesterday. I didn't really want to get dressed to go. I think it was because Peggy wasn't there. I may decide to work her camp next year, if any. I will, after all, have a baby in tow by then. They don't normally do babies in diapers at day camp, but we had one this year. The Pre-K leader brought her own.

Ms Jan did not, apparently, take too kindly to Serena telling her no when she asked her to do something yesterday. Honestly, I was amused by that. Today I mostly sat, with my feet up. My stomach felt icky for a while. Then I ate some cucumbers and peppers - that helped. It was a fairly uneventful day - for me. It is a big day for campers, though. I didn't want to miss it. I got some flowers (in dirt) as my final thank you.

After camp, I met Ms Jenny (my own co-leader) at Braum's and bought her birthday dessert. It was nice, but I was missing Elmo. I finally made it home and then we went and picked out movies. I let him know I felt like I needed a little cry, so we made sure to get at least one tear jerker movie. The movie store clerks were great suggesting movies for that.

Oh, and I checked the mail... still no camp mail. I am really saddened and disappointed by that.

I'm finally in for the night and showered! I'm tired and sore and glad the week is over, except that I have to be back to work on Monday. Sigh.
msjorje: (pregnancy)
This morning I got to pick up Serena for camp! She had my tie dye and it all looked just as gorgeous out of the dryer. So awesome! We headed off to camp. I got to introduce her to 1 or 2 people before we drove to the bottom of the hill. This was to be just the second trip I had made up the hill since (and including) Saturday. We settled into HQ just fine and she was helpful to have around. It was also great to get to show her off to my Day Camp Friends. No one doubted for a second that she was mine! We got to chow down on some "Puppy Chow" that was quite delish!

We headed down the hill and left camp early so we could head to my doctor appointment. Elmo hasn't been feeling well today, so he missed it. While sitting in the waiting room, Serena finally felt the baby move!! A lot!! In fact, as soon as she removed her hand from my belly, the baby stopped moving. lol I have a funny story about finding out the gender, but I'm not quite ready to post the results here yet... I want to tell some of you in person or at least by phone before I announce it via internet... so you have to wait.

We went by the apartment so I could change into motorcycle-friendly clothing & shoes. Then we went to Mom & Serena's (stopping to run a couple of short errands on the way) where she scanned my new U/S pics (I'll have them soon and likely update my pregnancy icon) and moved the motorcycle. The fence around her patio is soon to be repaired and (spray) painted. So... bike must be out of the over-spray zone!

We got those things done, said hello to Mom & Keith and headed back out again. After another stop at the apartment, where Serena finally got to see my pregnancy scrapbook, the two of us headed to Sam's. There we picked up a scrip for Elmo and a few other things we each needed. I even bought fake crab to split with / surprise Mom. It was, indeed, a surprise! :-D

Finally home to Elmo... who was already dozing on the couch and soon thereafter turned in for the night. I feel terrible that I only saw him in passing today (especially since he wasn't feeling well). I missed him.

Updates

May. 28th, 2009 07:31 pm
msjorje: (Default)
I'm tired. It has been a crazy busy week. Elmo is still struggling with the stone and drug side effects. We moved Mom home from the hospital yesterday (with some help from 3 guys & an ambulance). She and Serena are learning how to do her IV antibiotics. She has to have them every 12 hours. She is also breaking out in a rash ON her infection! So... there is worry there. I can hear the stress in my Mom's voice when she talks about it. She doesn't like her treatment options (there are options?), but her doctor is supposed to be a leading doc in the world of infectious diseases. All I can do is be supportive and I totally understand. You have to listen to the medical professionals, but you have to balance it with your own gut and logic from your own body and history.

Today was our last GS event of the year for our troop. We're not even going to try to meet through the summer this year! Ms Jenny & and I are so burned out. And we tried last summer, but didn't make it through. There are too many girls missing too many meetings and none on much of a schedule. There are just so many other things going on for them these days. They're going into fifth grade now! Anyway, we toured one of the two Water Treatment Plants. Some day we'll do a Waste Water Treatment Plant, too. It was a pretty interesting tour. You could tell they don't get many people that are interested, so they were kind of excited to have us!

I'm glad tomorrow is Friday! I'll be taking Serena to fetch some groceries for both of our households. Then I pick up Veronica for my weekend. I got several projects at least started last weekend. I hope to get some more stuff done this weekend, but I think my top priority is just going to be to REST!

The baby is fine, btw. I'm kinda sore today around my gallbladder scar, but otherwise I'm doing very well. I have been really appreciating the lack of pinched nerves in my hip, but my back does get very sore quite quickly.
msjorje: (peaceful toy)
So I've given Serena some speeches about driving a manual transmission car. I did this while out and about in my car. I even stopped and gave examples. The plan was to take her out driving in it at some point, but I just haven't found the time. I sold my car yesterday. Doh.

However, now I'm in a loaner... that also has manual transmission. I don't think I'll have it for long, though. So even though my day was jam-fucking-packed with shit to do, I dropped everything for maybe 20 minutes for a short driving lesson. I didn't warn her it was going to happen (no time to over analyze or stress about it), I just took her out. I got in the passenger side.

She did fine. She did very well. She has driven a bit before, but does not have a license. She does have a permit. She said I did MUCH better than Kristin, who has a very Type A personality and was very nervous about her car being jarred much at all (the way that will happen as you learn how sensitive the controls are). Her car was even an automatic.

I wasn't stressed at all. I mean, she did great anyway. I just don't think it would have been so easy a year ago. I've grown very comfortable with her and it was a pretty easy situation. I think I know her well enough to know when she needs reassurance and when she needed more pointers.

Anyway, I'm very proud. Of her as well as myself. It was a great moment!
msjorje: (np Mad Griznit)
Nikki (Serena) has 3 cats. That was not the plan. )

My weekend was so stressful that it totally took my mind off my worries about what I will do about living arrangements. I couldn't even maintain excitement over my upcoming doctor appointment for Monday afternoon!
msjorje: (starry night)
As I am closing in on the end of my first lease... I am reminded of my entire last year. I am reminded...

  • of sitting in a friend's living room, calling apartment complexes I had researched earlier in the day.
  • of putting in an application at the place I live now.
  • of telling Joe on our date night that I really needed to talk to him about something serious... and it getting put off until the end of the date. That was a rough date.
  • of telling Jenny that I was moving out.
  • of breaking the news to the children.
  • of leaving my home in the middle of the night Sunday night to stay with my sister because I couldn't bear to stay a moment longer.


I am reminded, too,

  • of my friends coming together to support me.
  • of losing a few friends or still being uncertain as to where they stand.
  • of regaining friends... friends I had no idea were avoiding me previously.
  • of the excitement of setting up my new home, getting started out on my own... for the first time ever, really.
  • of the growth and closeness that has come over this year with my mother and daughter.
  • that I haven't hurt myself since I left.
  • that I have so much for which to be thankful.


I recently saw an old friend and was told (again) that I look healthier than ever. I had no idea she had been concerned over my weight loss, but I certainly gained after the move. (Admittedly, I'm pregnant NOW.)

I spent a lot of time going over the decision before leaving. It hadn't seemed like an option (though had crossed my mind) before then. I hoped it would be best for everyone and I am told it really was. I still have my doubts and concerns about its effect on Veronica, but in many ways I know it really was the best for her, too.

I am deciding whether I want to stay in my current home. Now's my chance to make a change... or stick with it another year. (No way do I want to wait 6 months and find myself moving right after the baby is born!) So I am considering and researching my options. My partner has been wholly supportive of my ideas and desires. Sometimes it really takes me by surprise.

...

<sigh>

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msjorje

January 2015

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